The Name

Before we were even expecting a baby, I told Greg that I would love to name our daughter, should we ever have one, after my grandmother.  And so after we found out that the baby was a girl (at our 12 week sono!), the decision was pretty much made.  We went to La Madeline one night for dinner soon after the sonogram (that was all I wanted to eat that day, still stuck in the lovely nausea and vomiting stage) and discussed names.  I asked Greg what he thought about a name.  It had been a while since we had discussed naming a daughter after my grandmother, and I honestly wasn't sure he would remember.  But of course he did, and replied, "I think her name is Lillian."  And so it is.  We also talked about middle names that evening, but couldn't decide on something we really liked.  We may just have to figure that one out at the hospital!

When I was younger, I thought it would spoil the surprise to find out the baby's gender before he/she was born.  And then even after I decided it was more practical to find out, so the poor baby didn't end up with all yellow stuff and being referred to as "it" for the 9 months of pregnancy, I thought that you couldn't name the baby until you saw him/her face to face.  How would you know what he/she looked like, what his/her personality was going to be, etc.?  And if you did pick a name ahead of time, of course you wouldn't tell anyone before his/her arrival!  Apparently all of that flew right out the window the minute we realized that our daughter's name is Lilly.  We told our families and used her name so often between the two of us that it was impossible to keep a secret.  It was such a relief to be able to say "Lilly" instead of "the baby" all of the time.  And I think it has helped us to feel like we kind of know her a little bit, since we have been calling her by name for more than half of the pregnancy.

And her name is very special to me.  She is named for my dad's mom, whose full name was Martha Lillian Sones, but she went by Lillian her whole life.  She was always "Nana" to me, but her great-grandchildren (of which there are 5 already - Lilly will be the 6th!) call her "Nana Lillian."  I think it's very telling what kind of a woman she was in the life of her family that her daughters and daughter-in-law have chosen to be called "Nana" by their grandchildren.

My Nana was an amazing woman, and I miss her so much.  I don't think I can do her justice in this blog, but I want Lilly to know a little of the woman for whom she is named, so I intend to include memories of her frequently throughout my posts (I also have a journal for Lilly where I have started to tell her about her great-grandmother, so if any of my aunts or cousins want to contribute thoughts/memories/reflections, I'd love that!).  

My Nana passed away on May 3, 2010, one year ago today, and her funeral was held on May 8, 2010 which was also my 29th birthday.  And now Lilly is due on May 10, almost exactly a year later.  In April of last year, we knew that Nana was becoming weaker and her medical issues were escalating and that she did not have much time left.  So thanks to my awesome friend Abbie who covered for me at work, I was able to fly to Pennsylvania for a long weekend to see her.  Despite her hearing loss and vision difficulties, she was still sharp and interactive, and we were able to have several good visits during our long weekend in PA.

During one of our chats, when the two of us were alone, I told her that when Greg and I had a baby girl, we were going to name her Lillian.  In her characteristic way, she squeezed my hand, looked away and closed her eyes for a minute, and then looked back at me and said slowly, "well, Laura, that just gives me cold chills."  Which is the best response I could have gotten from her.  Of course I cried at that time, and I cry now, remembering that moment.  I miss her especially this week, as I know she would be so excited to hear the news when Lilly makes her appearance... which will be any day now!